Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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