My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
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Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.