Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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