My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
