do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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