We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
