I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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