I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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