you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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