somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
