I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
