doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
