No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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