so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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