So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
