I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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