i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
