I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
