I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
