he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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