I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
