You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
