Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
