At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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