Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
