Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
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Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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