I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
