Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Randomize
