I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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