I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
