I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
