There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
