whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
