Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
