Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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