I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
