I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
its liver damage thursday
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
