Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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