I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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