I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
