Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
