I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
