first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
