I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
