Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
