help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
