even my farts smell like vagina
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
