You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
