i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
