think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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