I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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