college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
