my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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