i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Randomize
