I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
