Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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