those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
