bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
