So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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