We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
