If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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