Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize