I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
