Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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