It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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