So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
