smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
