I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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